The following story takes place about three months before the start of Chapter 4 of our Dark Sun game.
My
best friend is leaving. I have no idea when I will see him again. No matter
where I look in this small guest room, I am confronted with the evidence of
this. His duffle bag is half packed, half unpacked, but I see order within the
apparent chaos. His most prized possessions are in the bag, secure, ready for
tomorrow. The rest is careful chaos so when he fights with C’aro and storms
away it will seem random. I am the one that asked him to do this, and now I cannot
help but feel I am losing a vital part of myself.
“Zarnian,”
Jingleheimer is looking at me with that easy smile of his. I instantly smile in
response, unable to stop even if I wanted to. “Are you ok? You came in here and
froze. Were you frozen by my magnificence?” He raises a brow playfully as he
strikes a pose. Truthfully he is in wonderful shape. Though his right arm has
lost some muscle tone, the rest of him is becoming even more formed to
compensate.
I
just raise my eyebrow skeptically, because this is what he expects, then I
can’t help but laugh. When I do, he does. Everything is right again. He has a
way of making this so. He is the only one who does this for me. I try to push
those thoughts to the back of my mind. “Tomorrow approaches,” I say, a
statement too obvious. I follow up with the first thing on my mind. “Go over
the preparations with me again.”
He
rolls his eyes. He has been over this with me more than once, but he knows I
need to hear it this night of all nights to calm my nerves. “Tomorrow starts
off normally. Then, C’aro and I get in an argument. I call him fat.” I crack a
smile again. He mulls this over a moment. “No, C’aro isn’t really fat. Portly.
I’ll call him portly. It’s a new word I picked up with all the training on
talking better and writing dune code.”
“So
you call C’aro portly,” I nudge, flinching at his grammar.
“Yep.”
He beams. “That part is going to be fun. There just aren’t that many times when
you can call your boss a whole sack full of shit and have a reason.” I nod my
agreement. “Then, when I go tell the guys what happens, Giffen, DeMatteis,
Maguire and Kirby get so pissed they quit with me. We go to the merchant square
before word gets out that we’re fired and we take our codlu, along with a wagon
of stone that Maribel sold C’aro.”
“Thieves,”
I feign scandal.
“We
scrape together our money and we go to Sharp’s where we used to house our codlu
and we buy a few more for the road. Teixeira and Bradstreet hear that we are leaving
town and then they come with us. We leave town and then I send a note to
Marishika telling her to come meet me and then we have the House of the
Jingling Belt.”
I
nod. That’s the plan. I’ve used my spies and go betweens to make sure that
everyone involved is loyal, and all but Marishika loyal to me. I cannot and
will not have Jingleheimer compromised. Even the thought of the danger he could
be in makes me freeze. I know how to solve this. I already saw the mug
partially wrapped in his bag. Without asking, I walk over and retrieve it. It
is a bright light blue glazed ceramic mug with the lightning bolt of the Sky
Followers etched in it. I sit on the floor, before setting that cup before me
and taking its twin from my shoulder bag. Finally, I take out one of the
bottles of mescal I brought and fill each mug. Jingleheimer sits on the floor
with me and I hand him his mug before I raise mine. “To the House of the
Jingling Belt! Long may it trade.”
Lifting
his mug high, he salutes, “To seeing you naked at Denning’s wedding where we
got these horrible things,” he drinks, closing his eyes. “This is one of the
many good things about drinking with you. You always buy the expensive stuff.”
“I
drink rarely. I may as well not waste my time. And, Talmeza made these
herself,” I state, not out of defense for the ugly mugs but because his comment
about my nudity makes me uncomfortable and I am trying to deflect it. I take a
longer sip than perhaps I should. The familiar sweet liquid burns as it
trickles down into my belly. Suddenly, I laugh. Seeing Jingle’s quizzical
expression I explain, “I could have lived without seeing Ohzon Sky Finger, I
mean Sky Father, prancing around naked the whole ceremony.”
Jingleheimer
laughs at that, really laughs. It is warm and welcoming like hot stew after a
long hungry day. “Well, it wasn’t all Ohzon’s fault. It was cold that morning
and the cold tends to do horrible things to the male body.”
“You
didn’t have any problems,” I blame the mescal. The words are gone and I can’t
get them back. Instead, I drink more.
He
pretends to be scandalized, clutching his arm over his already covered chest.
“I am shocked at you! Staring at my private area.”
“Like
I could help it!” The words are already gone, I may as well make it sound as if
I intended them. “You could have just told me you were part half giant.”
He
bows slightly, pretend shame replaced with some actual pride. “My cousin Barok
has the Rainbow Sword. I have the Steel Cudgel.”
I
can see someone being knocked out with that thing, but we have to stop talking
about his penis, because I am going to end up blushing like some stupid slave
girl… instead I change the subject, drinking more first to make a delineation
in the conversation and because I need more to drink so I can get the image of
Jingleheimer naked out of my mind. I have to replace that image with something
sweet, innocent. “I saw you talking with Timmuth earlier.”
“He’s a good boy, for being a murderous little
shit.” I flinch. I am the one that gave him that title, back when he was Bay’s.
It is one of the many things I now feel badly about. “He told me that you
promised to buy him an iron dagger if he trains hard every day, and introduced
me to his new telepathic tutor, Darius.”
“The
tutor is almost a boy himself, but Timmuth likes him and is taking to his lessons.
He trains for 2-3 hours a day with Darius, trains 2-3 hours with Nathan or
myself to improve his weapon skill and after the evening meal I teach him
reading, writing, and dune trader code.”
“That’s
a heavy schedule.” He purposely keeps his tone light, but I know there is more
to the statement.
“He
needs to be ready for what may come, with our without me. If I fall, he has to
have the best possible chance. I owe him that, I owe him so much more.” When I
drink, I find my hands are shaking. “When we escaped Nibenay, I said I couldn’t
watch him. Bay said he would. Timmuth deserved me to be there for him. He was
an innocent little boy. It wasn’t his fault that his family was who they were.
It wasn’t his fault that his brother was a bastard, his mother almost killed me
and his father not only sold Malik, he…” I feel Jingleheimer’s hand on my
shoulder. I don’t need to say more. He can see through me. He always does. I
drink again to calm the pain of the memory. “Because I was selfish, he had his
arm broken in combat and ended up a slave. He now has scars on his little body
from Drugar beating him. Did you know that while he was a slave some other
bastard slave tried to rape Timmuth and when he fought back and bit his
attacker, he was beaten for attacking another slave?”
“Fuck,”
Jingle hisses, but he his rubbing my shoulder. “You can’t blame yourself for
not raising Timmuth immediately. Hey, look at me,” I was staring into my
mescal. Meeting his gaze is not easy, but I force myself. “You sacrificed
everything to rescue that boy. His father…” he pauses, not continuing. I am
grateful he didn’t finish that thought. “And all you see is the innocent child
and not the son of the man that hurt you. You are the most amazing and
occasionally crazy person I know.”
“Thank
you,” it sounds stupid. I blame the drink. I drink more to chase away the warm
feeling that has nothing to do with alcohol. I have to get away from this
topic, too.
Reaching
into my bag I pull out two bundles wrapped in cloth. I hand him the smaller one
first. He takes it, a small smile spreading over his face. “You got me cloth?”
“Open
it and stop being difficult,” I go to drink but my mug is empty. I fix that and
top his mug off, too.
He
unwraps the material, balancing it on his lap. Inside are 8 coins, all unique.
His smile is genuine now. “Where did you get these?”
“Around,”
meaning the elven market and I also have had my guards scour for them on
caravan trails. They still are looking, with a small bounty for finding nice
coins. “For your belt.”
“I’ve
been working on it.” He points down. The belt and coins are all new, not the
loving, worn belt he had when we met. That is gone, destroyed in the raid and
battle that took the use of his arm and almost took his life. I looked
everywhere to find some scrap of it, but I only was able to find a single worn
coin in the elven market a while ago. He keeps that one safe. Since the others
are gone he least I can do I find some new coins for him, and get revenge on the
bastard that did this to him.
In
the second package is a set of crodlu reins with coins attached, a mirror for
his belt. “For Ten-Bit!” his masterwork war crodlu stallion. His eyes shone
with joy as he made them jingle. “Thank you.”
“Of
course,” I smile and tip my head. I am trying to keep this casual, to keep
everything bottled in one more night. I can lose it after he’s gone, but for
now I need to keep this light…
As
he stares at the reins and coins his smile fades, replaced with something dark
and serious. He sets them down gently on the bed before taking a very long
drink of his mescal. I brace myself for whatever I might hear next. “Zarnian,
there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You promoted me from some caravan guard
to captain and now Dune Trader, no one else would do that. But, I want you to
do something for me.”
“Anything,”
I try to make it sound less eager than it is.
As with other things tonight, I fail.
“Look
me in the eye and promise me that you will stay the fuck away from that one
eyed son of a bitch guard captain.” I open my mouth to protest but he glares at
me. He knows my inner heart better than anyone else. Then the glare is gone,
replaced with a hollow sadness which stabs through me harsher than any spear ever
could. He drinks again, before meeting my gaze. His eyes look through me; he is
rewatching the raid. “He just stormed in, they all did. We were prepared but…”
We haven’t talked about the raid before and we won’t now. He stops. I
understand. Some events you just don’t want to share even with the ones you
care for the most. After a pause, he sees me again. He is back in the room with
me. “I don’t want you fighting him. I know you’re the best around, I know how
well you can fight and I am here to tell you that he is almost as good as you,
if not as good. Plus, he’ll have a
lot more people with him. If he… if he hurt you because you were trying to get
revenge for me because basically I couldn’t do my fucking job in the first
place… fuck!”
“Jingle…”
“No,
Zarnian, I mean it. If something happened to you, especially because of me…” He
looks down into his mug now, brooding. He sips his drink as I do mine, waiting
for the pain to lessen. That takes more time than we have tonight. He knows it.
Taking some deep breaths he calms down. His smile returns but it is sad,
forced, and pained. “Let’s talk about something less traumatic. I heard you and
Trakas were officially done this time.”
I
laugh, because this is no less charged or uncomfortable, but I understand it is
him putting up a shield for himself. “Yes, this time it is permanent. We are
friends, and our children like brothers.”
“What
finally did it?” Now the sparkle is really returning to his eyes, the playful
mischief that makes me smile. “Was it that he kidnapped our oracle and lied to
you about it? Was he really banging Cael after all? Did he snore? Was it
because he was an inch shorter than you?”
“Partially,
not to my knowledge, not unless he was very tired, and I didn’t care at all.”
The list does the trick and he laughs. All the residual tension is gone. To
celebrate I drink more. I am starting to feel the effects. My hands and toes
feel tingly. The fact I just thought the word ‘tingly’ tells me I am getting
drunk.
Jingleheimer
must see me pondering the state of my own inebriation because he asks, “Are you
ok?”
I
nod, feeling the warmth on my cheeks, the smile on my lips. Good. If I can get
wasted tonight I can go without saying what I can’t. I can pretend everything
is ok. I can pretend this isn’t his last night. I feel the smile start to fade.
I drink more. I am becoming numb but my inner armor is starting to fall away. I
close my eyes. Tonight of all nights I need that armor.
“Are
you sure you’re ok?” He sounds concerned and with my eyes closed far away. How
much did I drink again? “I shouldn’t have brought up Trakas. Fuck.”
“No,
it’s…” I stop. Speaking is bad. I am going to shatter my shell.
His
tone switches, tender now. I can feel his hand on my wrist. There are no words
to describe the comfort it brings. I am going to talk, but I need to hide the
full truth. I remember my training through the alcohol mist and bury the truth
in a lie. “I am going to miss you.” This is true. Opening my eyes I look at him
and almost break. The drink had made me weak. That rhymed. Fuck. “Before, we
were separated but at least you would come sometimes with the caravans. I could
look forward to that. Now, we won’t see each other for months, or more and I
just…” My hands are fists and I am shaking. I spill some of the mescal, so I
sit the mug on the floor. I am fucking this up. I know the booze is causing me
to be weak, but I am so scared I grab the mug again and drink more. Anything to
numb myself.
“Is
that it?” His brow is raised quizzically. He knows there is more, of course, I
am acting like an idiot. He is concerned, and I am on the verge of collapsing
inside.
“There
were two reasons I broke up with Trakas.” The words are coming now, running
like water from a broken pot. Jingleheimer takes a drink from his own mug,
bracing himself. “We have different lives in different places. I cannot be with
someone where I am second or third.”
“And?”
“There
was someone else.”
“Malik?”
“Yes,
but no. Once Malik died, it made me think and my eye turned toward someone else.”
“Oh.”
A shadow flutters across his expression, unreadable. “Does this guy even know
you have feelings for him?”
I
shake my head, which makes me even dizzier. The room will not stop spinning
now. My hair slaps into the mescal and flicks my cheek with some of the liquor.
I am aware of this but I have no idea how to stop it in my current condition.
He
drinks more, but the mug does not hide the frown pulling at the corners of his
lips. Something is bothering him. Probably, he is annoyed that I had to bring
this up right before he leaves. I am an idiot. He breathes, measuring his
words. When he speaks there is a note of defeat to his voice. “You should tell
him. You fucked that part up with Trakas. Just tell this guy or better yet grab
him and kiss him.”
Carn
trained my body to react without my mind. My body does that now. Suddenly, I am
kissing Jingleheimer. He tastes like mescal and spice. For a few seconds, he is
frozen. I start to pull away, ashamed that I have misread this as badly as I
did the situation with Trakas, but then he grabs the back of my head and pulls
me even closer. I crawl into his lap while we are still kissing. I want him and
I can feel he wants me, too. This feels so right, even though I am to dizzy to
see, made more so by our passion. The room is getting darker and darker. I
don’t care. All I want is to get his pants undone, but my fingers fumble with
the knotted string, which will not loosen. I climb from his lap and concentrate
now, but I can’t see anymore. This is hard. Then his hand is on my wrists,
stilling them. I try to ask him why but everything is fading.
*****
The
next morning I wake in my own bed, Timmuth asleep in the cot next to mine. My
head throbs and my mouth his dry as the desert itself. When I sit up, I am
stabbed through the head with a dagger. It feels that way. What happened last
night? I remember getting drunk. I remember kissing Jingleheimer…
I
kissed Jingleheimer.
I
bury my face in my hands, the shame washing over me. I didn’t want him to know.
Now, he probably hates me. I have loved three men in my life, and I have ruined
it with them all. I could not get the sword to Malik in time to save him, I
could not make it work with Trakas, and now I practically raped Jingleheimer
when he has no interest, or does he?
Other
memories of last night come like ghosts. I remember a strong arm around my
shoulder helping me down the hall to my room, then into my bed. Lips on mine,
soft and sweet. A promise that if I still was interested when I was sober, he
would wait. Then weight of something being pressed into my palm and my fingers
being closed around it. I open my left hand to find Jingleheimer’s coin there,
the only one we saved from his original belt.
I
breathe and allow myself to smile. I pour a small glass of water from my
nightstand and raise it silently into the air. To the House of the Jingling
Belt, long may it trade but more importantly to Jingleheimer, may he be with me
soon.